


i thinks it’s     time you had a     pink cloud          summer

by Lookatmyblanket



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Flashbacks, Homophobic Language, Kinda, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Suicide Attempts, Multi, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Pinky promise, Self-Harm, and he smells like strawberries bc i love him, georgie's alive !!!!!, happy will come soon i swear, i don't want maggie and/or wentworth anywhere near my child, i’m very sorry again, might get worse but idk yet, minor existential crises, really angsty with a little happy here and there, sad for no real reason, slow slow slow updates, so they'll only show up in flashbacks or nightmares, speaking of flashbacks, then i forced it on my kids bc why not, they'll sound different compared to regular fic panic attacks, they're written from personal experience tho soo, this started out as a venting exercise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-03-10 12:12:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13501442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lookatmyblanket/pseuds/Lookatmyblanket
Summary: richie is admitted to a mental hospital outside of derry after the arrest of his parents. the story starts right as richie is being released to bill’s parents and follows him through trying to force everything back to normal.the problem is, the only person not buying it is the one person richie needs to be believed in from the most, and the only one who sees what richie’s really going through.





	1. cause you’ve gone too long without a smile

**Author's Note:**

> this one isn’t too bad, though, future chapters might get a little heavy. 
> 
> some housekeeping beforehand:  
> -italicised sentences that sound like dialogue are richie’s thoughts
> 
> -bold italicised sentences are the voices of his parents from his memories/flashbacks/nightmares  
> -pennywise never happened but beverly did end up moving bc of the stuff with her dad
> 
> -they’re all 17 except eddie who’s 16 bc i wanted it like that 
> 
> -oh and georgie’s 10 bc i can and will have my baby alive and healthy
> 
> this might turn out awfully, who knows ?? all i know is that the first chapter is trash but it’ll get better 
> 
> title taken from: daylily- movements

Richie’s palms felt itchy as he leaned down to tie his shoes, not used to actual laces since the shoes he’d been given on his first night were slip ons. He’d gone sixteen weeks without them, without a lot of things, and he was desperate to go back to his old life. Kickin’ it in a mental hospital isn’t really what Richie would call fun, or enjoyable at all for that matter.

He pulled the sleeves of his shirt further down his pins and needles feeling palms, trying to distract himself from the telltale sign his anxiety was picking up.  _ Just get your stuff together, Bill’s parents are downstairs to take you home. Just breathe. _ He stood up from his bed and looked around to make sure he had gotten everything that was his. He had no intention of ever coming back, especially not for something he’d forgotten.

“Richie, honey, are you ready to go?” Bill’s mom asked from the door, keeping her voice low as to not startle the boy. Sharon Denbrough has always had some sort of sixth sense when it came to Richie, somehow always picking up on when he was worked up and needed quiet.

“Uh, yeah, yeah, just...one second.” Richie scrambled to pull on his jacket and zip the duffel bag they brought him for his stuff as if he were on fire, stilling when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Richie, take a breath, you’re okay. Take your time.” Sharon said softly, smiling at the boy in front of her.

Richie never got used to the immense difference between Bill’s parents and his own, the night and day contrast had his head spinning. Sharon pulled him to her chest in a hug, the act bringing tears to his eyes at the comfort flooding his system that he wasn’t used to. Maggie had never hugged him.

“It’s okay, sweetie. You’re okay.”

Sharon kissed his head as he tried his hardest to hold back the tears in his eyes. He refused to cry in front of her. _ She’ll see how weak you are, how pathetic you’ve been all these years. _ He swallowed around the lump in his throat and pulled back right as Bill’s dad, Zack, walked in.

“Hey, Rich. All packed?” Richie nodded, not even noticing it. His body moved on autopilot as he grabbed his bag off the bed and followed the Denbrough parents out of his room and down the hall to the elevator.

Zack was talking to Sharon about some joke Georgie had made in the car, motioning for Richie to press the button for the first floor as he spoke. Richie simply stared at the various buttons, remembering a loud voice in his head saying that  **_only adults touched the elevator buttons_ ** , followed by a harsh slap echoing through his mind. His hand throbbed dully. Sharon looked concerned as Zack stepped forward to press the first floor, noticing how Richie jumped when the elevator dinged once they’d gotten there.

He followed the Denbroughs out to the main lobby, immediately seeing a four and a half foot boy in a bright yellow shirt running towards him. Zack tried to grab the boy before he crashed into Richie but it was too late, Georgie had launched himself at the curly haired boy and had no plans of letting go anytime soon.

“Richie! You’re coming home! Billy and everyone stayed back for a surprise from mom and dad but you aren’t supposed to know so shhhh!” Georgie rambled excitedly, hugging Richie tightly around his middle.

Sharon and Zack froze, not knowing how Richie would respond. The doctors had said to expect panic attacks or spacing out in situations where something triggered flashbacks or if Richie was caught off guard, his mind’s natural response to anxiety or fear. They stared at the interaction, ready to intervene if the older boy was set off by the suddenness of Georgie. 

Richie looked down at Georgie who was now animatedly talking about a drawing Bill had done of him when he kneeled down so he and Georgie were eye to eye, surging forward and hugging the boy close to him. The Denbroughs sighed in relief, filling out forms being handed to them by the nurse behind the front desk.

“I missed you, Georgie.” Richie whispered, squeezing the child as close to him as possible.

“I missed you too, Richie Rich.” Georgie answered back, burying his face in Richie’s neck. The smell of strawberry shampoo hit Richie’s nose and he smiled.

This was familiar- _ Georgie _ was familiar-something Richie remembered bringing him happiness. Seeing him and hearing him and feeling him put the idea of  _ normal _ that much closer to his reach, all he had to do now was get through the drive to the Denbrough house and he’d be home.

_ Home. _ He liked the sound of that.

“Well, boys, let’s head out.” Zack said, leading the way out of the facility and to the parking lot.

“Everyone’s gonna be so excited to see you, Richie. You’re all they ever talk about.” Sharon said fondly, helping him throw his duffel into the back of their car.

Richie paused, taking in the information. The Losers still talked about him? And they were excited to see him? His hands started shaking at the anticipation of seeing them, suddenly scared of how they would react to seeing him. Would they run up and hug him? Cry while they held him? Yell about how stupid he was? Richie jumped when he felt a hand grab his and start tugging him towards the doors of the car.

“C’mon, Richie Rich! We gotta go to your surprise!” Georgie yelled excitedly.

Richie swallowed thickly, letting out a deep breath as he climbed into the car behind Georgie.  _ Whatever happens, it’ll be okay. You’re gonna be with your friends who still love you, even though you’re a fucking dumbass. Worse comes to worse, Georgie’s got your back. _ Richie glanced over at Georgie who was happily humming along to the Little Mermaid soundtrack playing through the radio as Sharon pulled out of the parking lot. He remembered the day the Denbroughs brought Georgie home from the hospital, how he always giggled at Richie’s jokes, he even gave Richie a nickname before any of the other Losers. He leaned over and ruffled the boy’s hair, chuckling when he shrieked and batted his hands away, laughing like a madman. God, he missed this.

They drove for a good half hour before Richie started recognising things that passed them. The Aladdin, the pharmacy, Stan’s synagogue, memories of the town came flooding back at such a fast rate that Richie didn’t even realise he’d pulled up one of his sleeves and started scratching at his wrist so harshly it had started to bleed in some spots. He pulled down his sleeve quickly, trying to even his breathing as Sharon turned down a familiar road. He was almost home.

“Now, you boys have some time before dinner to hang out but all of you ready to leave by 7, okay?” Sharon asked as she pulled into the driveway, staring at the boys in the rear view mirror. Richie and Georgie nodded, unbuckling themselves and sliding out of the door.

“I’m gonna tell Billy you’re here!” Georgie announced, speeding off into the house while Richie hung back to grab his stuff.

“We got it from here, Rich, go see ‘em.” Zack said, nodding towards the house he could hear Georgie yelling in.

Richie licked his lips nervously before nodding and turning to walk up the yard and front porch steps. His wrist itched as he turned the doorknob and made his way inside, moving upstairs by muscle memory of the house layout. Georgie was down the hall yelling at Bill to get up, along with groans of protest from what sounded like Stan and Mike. Richie’s chest tightened as he got closer to Bill’s room, suddenly scared of seeing his friends.  _ They would be mad, wouldn’t they? _ Absolutely pissed at him that he was such an idiot. His pulse sped up as anxiety ebbed into his thoughts.  _ No, Rich, don’t do this. Not now. Go to them. _ Richie held his breath as he pushed open Bill’s door and looked at the seven sets of eyes that flicked towards him.

“R-Richie?” Bill asked incredulously, sitting straight up in his bed.

“Holy shit.” Ben whispered, his eyes darting around to every face in the room to make sure he wasn’t the only one seeing him.

Even Stan showed some emotion, more than Richie had ever seen, at least. Given, it was not much more than a half smile but he wasn’t about to complain

Richie smiled sheepishly at the group, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck nervously when a body slammed into his, knocking him to the floor. Richie groaned in pain, looking down at the watery brown eyes of Eddie, holding him so tightly he almost couldn’t breathe.

“You’re  _ back _ .” Eddie said, almost like he couldn’t believe it. Richie stared back, his arms wrapping around the smaller boy just as tightly.

“Yeah, Eddie Spaghetti, I’m back.”

The rest of the Losers followed Eddie’s example moments later when a pile of teenagers was quickly made on the floor on top of Richie. Georgie almost climbed on top of Mike to join them but got called down to help Zack with something in the garage. Richie returned hugs from all of them and a kiss on the cheek from Bever-Beverly was there?

“Bev, holy shit, when did you get back?” Richie asked.

“Night you left. I got a call from Stan and got my aunt to get me on the first flight here. I needed to be here when you got back.” Beverly explained, one of her hands moving to play with random curls on Richie’s head.

“How long have you guys been camping out at Big Bill’s?”

“We’ve been here all week, we didn’t know when they were releasing you so we wanted to be prepared. We didn’t even sleep last night when Bill’s parents got the call.” Mike said from somewhere near Richie’s right hip.

“Didn’t know I was special enough for a welcoming committee.” Richie joked, cutting his chuckle short when everyone moved to look at him.

“Of course you are, Richie, we love you.” Eddie said seriously, even too serious for him.

Richie’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, normally his jokes were met with eye rolls or shut up, trashmouth’s, not genuine concern. He could feel all of their eyes on him and he didn’t like it, suddenly feeling like everyone was too close at one time. His chest rose and fell faster and faster the longer they stared, his breathing starting to sound shaky.

“I-I need to g–“ Richie couldn’t finish his sentence, the overwhelming urge to scratch at his arms coming in full force.

Everyone but Eddie moved back, immediately asking what they could do and how they could help when Eddie sat up on his knees and addressed the group.

“It’s just a panic attack, guys, I got this. We’ll meet you downstairs soon.”

Bill looked like he wanted to argue but Stan grabbed his hand and lead them all out of Bill’s room. Eddie turned back to Richie and sat him up straight, moving back so they weren’t touching, studying him for a moment.

“Richie, what’s happening? Talk to me.”

“Everyone too-too close, couldn’t-c-couldn’t breathe.” Richie sputtered, reaching out for Eddie desperately. One of Richie’s hands moved to grip his wrist, his nails digging in hard enough to draw blood when Eddie grabbed it, holding his hand close to him.

“Okay, Richie, you can get through this. It’s just anxiety that’s got you a little worked up, knowing what it is helps you get over it, I promise. Just focus on trying to breathe like me, okay?” Eddie said, holding Richie’s palm up to his chest, breathing extra slow so Richie could follow it.

Richie’s free hand grabbed onto Bill’s carpet, digging his fingers in so tightly he could feel fibres ripping under his nails. His chest burned as he stared at Eddie’s eyes. Eddie didn’t move away, his hands cupping Richie’s face softly instead.

“You’re safe now, you’re okay.” Eddie whispered, his hand holding onto Richie’s wrist as Richie struggled to get his breathing back to normal.

After what felt like hours, Richie was breathing normally. He had just had enough energy to smile thankfully at Eddie when the smaller boy broke down, heart wrenching wails tumbling out of his chapped lips uncontrollably. Richie’s hands stroked Eddie’s hair as the smaller boy sobbed into his shirt. Guilt sat heavy in his stomach as he apologised over and over again, not getting a single reaction out of his best friend. He had fucked up so badly and now Eddie hated him, how would he–

“If you ever leave me like that again I’ll kill you, Tozier.” Eddie said, his tears soaking through Richie’s shirt.

“I was so stupid, Eddie, I’m so sorry.” Eddie bolted up, grasping at Richie’s face again, pulling him close.

“You are not stupid. You are important and we love you so much. We’re–I’m so glad you’re home. I missed you, Chee.”

Rumour has it that Richie’s heart grew three sizes that day.

Or, according to anyone that wasn’t Richie, he hugged Eddie until he almost broke a rib and then made it downstairs just in time for the family outing to town for dinner to celebrate. They even got the waitresses to sing Richie happy birthday and bring him a piece of cake even though his birthday wasn’t for another three months. But they were too happy to care.

Richie caught onto a few things as he looked around his table of family. Stan and Bill had been sneaking glances and blushing afterwards for several minutes, ending when Stan set a hand on Bill’s thigh and they calmed. Mike looked just like he always had, strong and sunny, his smile so bright and his laugh so hearty that Richie hated himself even more for letting himself miss it. Ben and Beverly were even more couple-y than Bill and Stan, Ben occasionally feeding Beverly off his own plate between jokes between her and Richie. Then his eyes fell on Eddie, not prepared for when they were already locked on him.

Richie awkwardly reached over his plate for his drink, his face heating up as Eddie’s eyes followed his every move. Richie gave up on trying to understand what was happening so he just went with it, laughing along to Bill’s jokes or Georgie’s repeated rendition of Under The Sea (in which Richie totally didn’t loudly join in). Eddie finally looked away after Richie’s face broke out into a huge smile as he clapped for Georgie. Real. It was a real smile and Eddie was calm again.

After everyone had eaten to their limits and Stan was getting antsy to leave the smoky smelling diner, they all piled into the car, arguing over which radio station to play while Zack backed out of the parking space and started driving the opposite way of Bill’s house.

“Dad? W-Where are we g-go-going?” Bill asked from the row of seats behind Richie, his voice so close making Richie feel oddly at peace.

“Figured you guys would like to catch up a bit so...” Zack trailed off as he stopped the car in the middle of a barely lit road, one the Losers knew well.

“LAST ONE TO THE QUARRY’S A STAN!” Mike yelled, throwing open the van door and bolting for the trail that led down to the quarry, the rest quickly following when a loud whistle rang through the air.

The kids froze, turning back slowly to look at Sharon who had an eyebrow raised. Richie called it her “mom face” which always came with her “mom voice”.

“I don’t want you all out past midnight, Bill, call us when you’re on your way home, and–Georgie, baby, what are you doing?”

They whipped around to look at Georgie who was actively climbing Stan like he was a tree, Stan not even reacting as Georgie’s fingers and knees dug into him as he made his way up onto his shoulders.

“I wanna hug Richie Rich goodbye but he’s too tall so I used Stan!” Bill gaped at his brother, moving to pull him off when Stan stopped him.

“I have never felt this useful in my entire life, let it happen.” Bill laughed with his hands held up in surrender, letting Stan walk over to Richie and have Georgie hug him.

The smell of strawberries lingered in Richie’s nose as the Denbroughs drove off, leaving the seven of them alone for the first time in two months.

“I do believe I have a race to win.” Beverly announced, walking back towards the trail before she broke into a sprint.

“GET BACK HERE MARSH!” Richie heard himself yelling, grabbing Eddie’s hand and chasing after her, laughing heartily the whole time.

They met back up on the cliff, Stan being the last one (“Stan, you’re such a Stan.” “I will push you off of this cliff without an ounce of guilt, Richard.”) and stripped down to their underwear, lining up on the edge of the cliff.

Richie looked down the line on his left and then his right, looking down at the water with the biggest grin Eddie had ever seen. He gripped Richie’s hand and squeezed, feeling his chest burn a bit when the tall boy returned it. Without a moment passing, they grabbed each other’s hands and jumped, Richie’s heart feeling floaty and good for the first time in four months.

 

Richie was finally home.


	2. moonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a little more emotional than i had planned, but just a fair warning that this chapter includes  
> -another panic attack  
> -homophobic language  
> -implied abuse  
> -unhealthy coping mechanisms  
> -and coconut body wash 
> 
> italic sentences are richie’s thoughts/flashbacks 
> 
> italic bolded sentences are wentworth speaking in richie’s thoughts/flashbacks

Richie stared up at the ceiling of Bill’s room, spread out lazily in the spare bed. It had to have been 5 am, the wall cast with a few faint lines of light from the blinds on the window. He almost laughed to himself. He hadn’t slept in three days. Sharon and Zack had taken Georgie out the night before to some sleepover while they had a date night, letting the boys know they’d be back later the next day. Richie missed them.

The night spent at the quarry was the most fun Richie’d had in months, but when the Losers all went home the next morning to go to school, he felt as empty as he had sitting in that godforsaken white room at the hospital. The good news was that it was Saturday, meaning the Losers would all be stopping by after Mike had gotten through all the farm chores and Stan finished up at the synagogue. But even with the knowledge that his friends would be there soon, something cold and heavy feeling sat in Richie’s chest and wouldn’t move no matter how many popcorn pieces he counted on the ceiling or how many times his throat tightened up as he blinked back tears.

Richie turned his head to his left to see Bill still fast asleep, his face smushed up against his pillow as his mouth hung open, letting out the occasional snore that Richie chuckled at a bit. The weight in his lungs got heavier.

 _It’s just you getting used to the house and attention. Take a shower and calm the fuck down, man._ Richie threw his blanket off and stood up, scratching his stomach as he stepped over a pile of dirty clothes and made his way down the hall to the bathroom. He flipped on the light beside the sink, squinting at the sudden brightness hitting his eyes.

The tile felt frigid under his bare feet as he turned the shower on, holding his hand under the spray to test the temperature. He settled on his usual near boiling level and went under the sink to get a towel. Richie debated with himself a minute before deciding to lock the door just in case Georgie would forget to knock again. God, that had been an awkward conversation. Richie chuckled at the memory and stripped, stepping into the tub and pulling the curtain to.

The hot water hitting his skin soothed him almost instantly, his muscles and the stone in his chest loosening a bit as he reached for Bill’s body wash.

“Never would’ve taken you for a Coconut Bliss sorta guy, Big Bill.” Richie thought out loud, laughing quietly as the body wash piled in his palm.

He hummed to himself as he scrubbed his pink skin, a Billy Joel song his nurse was always singing as she gave him check ups filled the shower as he rinsed his skin. Richie was surprised how okay he suddenly felt, smiling to himself as he ducked under the spray to wet his curls. His humming had changed to some Rihanna song Eddie was always singing, the words escaping him as he moved out of the water and grabbed the shampoo.

The second Richie had opened the bottle and smelled sickly familiar sandalwood, his hands started to shake so badly he dropped the bottle. The slam of it hitting the tub bottom echoed through the empty bathroom but Richie couldn’t find it in him to care, his head starting to ache as he backed himself into the corner of the tub. Blood pounded through his ears as he slid down the wall, the sound of the water fading slowly as his chest started to lock up, making his breathing difficult.

“R-R-Richie? Are you ok-kay?” Bill called through the door, his concern falling on deaf ears as Richie clawed at the skin on his neck and chest, desperately trying to breathe.

_**To think, for a little while I actually thought I had a son. Turns out I’ve been raising a faggot in my house for the past sixteen years.** _

_Dad, no, just listen–_

_**No, I’m not your dad. You’re nothing to me. Nothing but a disgusting disappointment. What would your mother say if she heard this shit? Why would you do this to us?** _

_I can’t help who I am!_

_**You may be a fag but you won’t be one under my roof, so you either fix yourself or get out. You have until your mom gets home or I’ll make the decision for you.** _

Richie felt his nails digging into his palms, sobbing brokenly as the memory flooded his mind.

_Fuck you._

_Wentworth turned around slowly, his eyes dark and dangerous as he stared down at Richie._

_**You will show me respect in my house. Looks like you’ll have to learn that the hard way.** _

Richie screamed as his hands came up to pull at his hair, every punch and kick and scratch and hurtful word hitting him just as hard as they had that night four months ago, his lungs burning as they fought to just take in some fucking air. He couldn’t hear his friends beating on the door, pleading for him to let them in.

“I’msorryI’msorryI’msorryI’msorry!” Richie yelled, wanting more than anything for his head to just stop.

Somehow Mike had gotten the other Losers away from the door, kicking next to the doorknob as hard as he could. The door splintered and flew open, hitting the wall as the six kids piled into the bathroom at once to get to Richie. Eddie was the first to move, reaching into the shower to turn off the water when a hand grabbed his, tugging him into the tub.

“ _Eds_.” Richie whimpered, burying his face in Eddie’s rapidly dampening shirt.

“It’s okay, Chee, you’re okay. We’re here, you’re safe. Nothing’s gonna get you, I promise.” Eddie said, hugging Richie to him as close as he could get him.

Mike and Stan were second to move, Stan shutting off the water and Mike grabbing the towel from the counter to wrap around Richie.

Beverly was digging around under the sink for the first aid kit while Bill helped Mike pull Richie (who was now wrapped around Eddie so tightly they couldn’t pry him off) and Eddie out of the shower and onto the floor. Richie’s head whipped around wildly, his eyes large and terrified as he tried to make sense of what was happening around him. Then Eddie held his face in his hands and he stopped moving, staring forward at the brown eyed boy.

“Rich, you’re safe, it’s just us. Beverly’s gonna wrap you up in your towel and we’re just gonna sit here for a little while, okay?” Eddie asked softly, his thumb rubbing against Richie’s cheekbone in small circles that seemed to calm him a little.

Richie nodded jerkily, loosening his grip on Eddie until Beverly had his lower half covered and then sticking himself right back to Eddie. Ben stepped out with Bill to call Bill’s parents and explain Richie’s episode, letting them know that he was okay, just a little shaken up.

“Chee, can I look at you for a minute? I need to see how bad the scratches are.” Eddie explained, his wet hair flopping down onto his forehead while he talked. He didn’t have the urge to fix it in that moment.

Richie whined but backed up anyway, his fingers staying on Eddie’s knee to keep himself grounded. Eddie was safe, he needed to feel Eddie.

Stan excused himself after seeing the marks and blood, his face a shade whiter than normal as he brushed past Beverly. Mike knelt down next to Eddie with the first aid kit, pulling out everything Eddie was naming and setting it in his lap. Beverly tossed a washcloth down when she saw her friend pull out a bottle of antiseptic.

“Bev, Mike, I need you to hold him.” Eddie said, his voice sounding strained like the words were hurting him to say. He twisted the cap off the bottle of witch hazel Mike had set out and poured it on the green cloth liberally.

Before Richie could react, Mike and Beverly were wrapped around his arms and stomach and Eddie was in his lap, whispering a tight, I’m so sorry, Chee, before pressing the cloth down against the claw marks.

Richie howled at the sting of the antiseptic in his broken skin, twisting and tugging at his friends to let him go so the pain would stop. Eddie continuously apologised over and over, sounding closer to tears himself every time. After a few moments, the sting had dulled to a faint throbbing. Richie sat still as Eddie moved to work on his wrists, tears falling from his eyes as Eddie paled at the scars littering the skin there underneath the blood. He cleaned them as fast as possible and bandaged all the open scratches the best he could, Richie still stone silent.

“Okay, we’re done, we’re all done.” Eddie choked out, throwing himself into Richie’s arms once more.

Bill, Ben, and Stan took that as the go to to come back in, gladly piling themselves back up around Richie like they’d done a few nights before. The realness of what had happened hit Richie then, the understanding that he had an episode and didn’t even know he was hurting himself shocked him to his core. He bit his lip as his chest hiccuped with sobs he refused to let go. Eddie caught on and looked at his best friend deeply, wrapping their fingers together.

“Let it out, Chee, just let it out.” Eddie whispered, pressing his lips to Richie’s forehead.

So Richie did. He sobbed so openly, so brokenly, that it scared all the Losers, making them huddle even closer together. Horrendous sounding wails spilled from his lips as he was held by the ones he loved, his mind screaming at him that _he didn’t deserve this, he didn’t deserve **them**._

They all stayed like that on the bathroom floor until Bill’s parents and Georgie came home, rushing up the stairs and taking in the scene in front of them.

“Richie Rich!” Georgie exclaimed, bolting over and wiggling his way into the group until he was wedged between Eddie and Richie.

Richie felt the Denbroughs join the group but for some reason didn’t really care, his only concern being Eddie’s forehead pressed against his, his fingers wrapped around smaller ones, and something warm flashing weakly behind his ribs as he breathed in the smell of watermelon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m gonna try and post every week but i’m very prone to writer’s block so i’m not making any promises


	3. help, i lost myself again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this turned out to be a lot angstier than i’d intended but sad is my specialty soooo
> 
> chapter warnings:  
> -mentions of mental hospitals/ regular hospitals   
> -mentions of a suicide attempt  
> -hinting at mary and wentworth  
> -homophobic language  
> -way too much fucking angst oh my god i’m just sad so i made them sad hush up   
> -my poor babies 
> 
> ALSO YES I KNOW IT’S LATE I KNOW IM SORRY

It’d been a month since Richie’s shower incident and if whatever happened bothered him, he didn’t let it show. He carried on the next day like nothing had happened. He took his medication, ate breakfast with the whole family, ran through any jokes he’d come up with recently, normal Richie behaviour.

So, eventually, the rest of the Losers dropped it too. All but one.

Eddie hadn’t willingly left Richie’s side since the morning of his breakdown, staying over at Bill’s as much as possible and even beating him home after school to see Richie first. He had kicked up his motherly instincts and made Richie food, put his medications in their specific day of the week pill case, and even stayed with Richie until he fell asleep every night.

At first, Richie had felt wonderful, _amazing_ even. His best friend treating him better than anyone ever had? He’d take that over his panic attacks any day. But slowly, after Eddie started asking about things a lot more than he did before, Richie started to feel suffocated.

Eddie was somehow more stuck to Richie than his own shadow was. Everywhere he turned the smaller boy was there asking if he was okay, if he needed anything, if he wanted to talk. He’d almost reached a breaking point when Eddie had nagged him about eating too quickly one Friday night when the other Losers had come over for a movie night.

“Richie, I’m just watching out for you.”

And that was the sentence that ended Richie’s last nerve. It wasn’t even _what_ was said, it was _how_ it was said. Like he was a child, a feeble minded thing that couldn’t do anything on their own. He’d had enough.

“Maybe if you’d back the fuck off every once in a while, you wouldn’t have to watch out for me.” Richie fired back, his tone nonchalant, almost as if he hadn’t seen the look of absolute hurt flash across Eddie’s face.

But Eddie had never been one to take anything lying down, especially not from Richie. The smaller boy’s eyes narrowed as the room fell silent, the air around them now thick and static-y feeling. This was going to get worse and they all knew it but none of them knew how to stop it. Mike, the known group peacemaker attempted to intervene but was shut up but a death glare sent his way from Eddie. This was his and Richie’s battle and Eddie would be damned before he went down without a fight.

“I watch out for you because I care about you. You don’t wanna talk about shit that’s bothering you? **Fine**. Be my guest. But I’m not gonna just sit by and watch you shut down.”

Richie stared at Eddie, mouth open in shock as his hands balled at his sides. How dare Eddie think that he wasn’t capable of taking care of himself. He wasn’t a child and he sure as hell wasn’t a flight risk.

“I never asked you to follow me around like some sort of lost dog, I was perfectly fine with you leaving me the fuck alone for once! I can’t even go to the bathroom to piss without you want– **no** – _needing_ to be right outside the fucking door!”

Richie had stood up by now, Eddie following moments after. They crowded into each other’s space, fingers jabbing into chests and fiery eyes glaring into a matching pair. The other five Losers huddled together in the corner farthest from the shouting match, whispering among themselves about how they could stop the fight when eerie silence filled the room. Their heads turned to look at the boys, taking in a scene of Richie looming over Eddie, glaring down at the brunet who had tears gathered in his eyes but refused to back down.

“Say it again, Trashmouth, I wanna hear it one more fucking time.” Eddie spat, his voice wavering and cracking but he refused to even blink at Richie.

Richie just stood there dumbly, his mind in a rapid loop of _oh fuck oh fuck what the fuck did you just do you fucking idiot_ as he watched a tear fall from Eddie’s left eye and down his angry red cheek. Eddie always gets blushy when he’s mad.

“I-I-“

“What? You _what_ , Richie? Just say it again! I wanna hear what the fuck you called me again!” Eddie screamed, suddenly seeming so much bigger than he was.

Richie looked into those watery brown eyes that were filled with nothing but hurt and betrayal, wishing with everything he could take everything back and just go back to watching movies and laughing at Stan and Bill’s flirting. He swallowed hard.

“I-I said that I want-wanted you to leave me alone b-because I didn’t want to be near a-a fag.” Richie whispered, shrinking further and further into himself until he felt two inches tall under Eddie’s sad gaze.

Ben held Beverly back from lunging at Richie from their group pile, Mike doing the same to Stan. Richie hadn’t intended for the word to slip out, hell, he didn’t even have any room to talk if he was speaking actual truth. But none of that mattered when he saw Eddie’s reaction after he said it a second time.

Eddie opened his mouth to speak but only a cut off sob came out, his hands flying up to hold any other noises in. Richie watched helplessly as more and more tears fell from Eddie’s eyes, rooted from fear as Eddie composed himself enough to speak.

“You wanna know why I follow you around all the time? Why I’m always with you in the kitchen and bathroom and even your room? Because I fucking refuse to lose you again, Richard Tozier. I would rather _die_  than ever have to step into this house only to find out you’re gone. I can’t do that again.” Eddie said, furiously wiping at his eyes with his fists.

“ _Again_?” It came out harsher than Richie’d meant but his emotions were high, still running on adrenaline from their fight.

Eddie blinked once, twice, then laughed bitterly, moving around the room to gather his things before stopping in front of Richie once more.

“Who do you think found you the night your parents got arrested? Who do you think did CPR on you for the twenty minutes it took for the ambulance to get to your house? Who do you think had to—“

Eddie sobbed again, his entire body shaking from it.

“—had to watch while doctors pumped your fucking stomach full of charcoal so you’d throw up all those god damned pills?! And who the fuck do you think went out of their fucking mind wanting to know if you were okay but not being able to because you were in a fucking mental hospital?! _**Me**_ , Richie! _I_ did! And if _that_ –if-if hoping and praying to every higher power I could think of that you would live and be okay makes me a fag…then fine.” Eddie was panting from how drained he felt after the fight and his speech, his cheeks still wet with tears as Richie struggled to come up with something to say.

“Eds, I didn’t–“

“I don’t know why you feel like you can’t let anyone in, or why shutting down will help you fix whatever’s going on in your head but I promise, it won’t. You may think that it’s better if you handle it alone, but you have people that love you and want everything in the world for you. The night I almost lost you, lost my best friend, was the absolute worst night of my entire life. You might have thought that ending your pain would help other people but trust me when I tell you that that night has given me more nightmares, more anxiety attacks than I can count, all because I’m terrified of leaving you alone again and not being able to help you.”

Richie’s eyes let a few tears fall, his hands reaching out to grab onto Eddie, to hold him close and apologise a billion times but Eddie stepped back, gathering himself before putting on a large plastic smile.

“But...what do I know? I’m just some fag, y’know? Best if I just left now. Stan?” He asked, looking over at his seething friend.

“Of course, Eddie.” Stan said, standing up and grabbing his keys off Bill’s desk. He glared at Richie as he ushered Eddie out of the room and downstairs to his car.

“That was fucked up, Rich, real fucked up.” Beverly said bluntly, standing up and taking Ben with her to her own car.

Richie looked over at Mike and Bill pleadingly, hoping at least one of them would hug him and tell him _it would all be okay, that Eddie just needed time to cool off_. Neither did. They just shook their heads dismissively and walked out as well. Richie heard Bill ask his parents downstairs to keep an eye on Richie while he stayed over at Stan’s, slamming the front door on his way out.

Finally, Richie felt his legs give from under him, only moving a step forward before he fell to the floor, burying his face in his arms as he wailed. His knees curled up to his chest as his lungs heaved to try and take in any air they could.

And that’s how he spent the entirety of his Friday night: crying so long and so hard on his bedroom floor that he passed out three hours later, the insides of his arms scratched and bloody and his heart in so many pieces he was surprised he didn’t cough one up during his meltdown.

He’d just hurt his best friend. He’d hurt the person that helped save his life. He’d hurt the someone he loved.

For the first time since the night he’d been taken to the hospital, Richie wanted to die.


	4. the scientist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slight blood warning but definite self harm warning but like they’re just mentioned things 
> 
> [also, i’ve had this written since the beginning of the story so to those of you i promised to fix things, here ya go :::-)]

“What the fuck do you mean you _didn’t know?_ ” Beverly asked harshly, hands on her hips as she looked down at Richie still in the foetal position on the floor.

Beverly, Mike, and Bill had come back to the Denbrough’s house a few hours after they’d left, too worried about leaving Richie alone after a fight that big. Mike got to him first, checking his pulse and arms before sighing and sitting down next to him, putting the head of curls in his lap and petting them as Richie slept restlessly.

“I mean I didn’t know it when I said it, I was just mad and he wouldn’t leave me alone and I just–“

“How do you just _not_ know your best friend is gay and then call him something homophobic without realising?” Beverly cut him off, looking to Bill for backup.

“I didn’t mean to, Bev. I never meant–I would never mean to-to–“ Richie’s eyes were getting glossy again, his throat tightening with the need to cry even though he didn’t know how much longer he could do it.

“Shh, just breathe, just breathe.” Mike rumbled, his voice soft and sultry as he pet Richie’s hair.

“Rich, you had no right–“

“I know, Bill, I know. And if I could take it back, I would. I was just frustrated and tired and I felt smothered but I couldn’t tell him, it would’ve crushed him.”

“You should’ve talked to him, Richie. He would’ve been a little upset but he would’ve backed off if you’d asked him.” Mike said, his fingers attempting to undo a knot in one of Richie’s curls.

“I was stupid, I know that. I’m gonna do all I can to fix this. You guys gotta believe me, I never meant to hurt him.” Richie swore, not even flinching when Mike accidentally pulled a little too harshly at his scalp, worrying him the slightest bit.

“Rich, I know that you don’t get all of what Eddie’s been through because of his sexuality, but you literally couldn’t have said anything worse to him.”

_Wait, what?_

“Why wouldn’t I get it?”

“Because you’re straight? You literally only talk about girls you’ve fucked and whatever buzzfeed quiz you took over the weekend?”

Richie’s eyebrows furrowed, confused at Beverly’s words. Then it hit him. He’d never told them he was into guys, that he’d found out a few months before his parents got arrested that dick was actually fucking amazing.

“Guys, I–“

“Look, Ri-Rich, we love you, b-b-but it isn’t our place to j-just let this go. You’re gonn-na have to t-talk to him about it.” Bill piped up from his bed, sounding a lot calmer than he had when they left.

Richie closed his mouth and looked around at his friends, knowing Bill was right.

“Does he even wanna talk to me?” Richie asked, his nervous laugh sounding hollow even in his own ears.

“He’s at Stan’s. Go find out, call us when you get back, okay?” Beverly offered, crouching down to ruffle Richie’s hair before leading Bill and Mike (after Mike finally untangled his fingers from Richie’s hair) downstairs and out to her house.

Richie sighed when he was alone again, looking down at the bandages he knew Mike wrapped around him. Small spots of blood had soaked through some of the bandages and he felt sick to his stomach. He looked away from his arms and set his jaw, getting off the floor and shoving on his shoes. He was going to get Eddie to forgive him if it killed him.

————————————————————

It turned out, very quickly, that being killed before Eddie forgave him was a very likely scenario once Stan spotted Richie coming up the driveway. Richie had never known how strong Stan was until he had him pinned to the grass in the front yard, Stan’s knees holding down his shoulders like it was nothing.

“ **What. Are. You. Doing. Here?** ” Stan demanded, his eyes narrowed and his shoulders squared like he was ready to punch Richie if he needed (wanted) to.

“I came to– _Christ_ , Stan, when did you take up bodybuilding?—“

“Richard, I swear—“

“—okay, okay! I came to apologise to Eddie. Bev said he’s here.” Richie turned his head to the side, his face scrunched up as if he were waiting on Stan’s fist colliding with it.

Stan seemed to understand what was happening and hurriedly got off of Richie, his body still tensed. Richie quickly sat up and took in a few deep breaths, swallowing thickly before looking up at Stan sincerely.

“I just want to talk to him. Five minutes, tops.”

“I don’t know if Eddie wants visitors right now, Richard. He’s pretty broken up about what happened.”

“Stan, please. He’s my best friend, you know I would never purposely hurt him. I made a mistake and I need to fix it. Just give me five minutes with him, Stan, _please_.” Richie pleaded, not above getting on his knees to beg.

The older boy stared at Richie for a few long moments before he silently got up and turned to walk into his house. Richie followed, thanking Stan the whole way inside. They stopped outside Stan’s bedroom, the whole house silent save for some classical music coming from behind the closed door.

“You get five minutes, I’ll be standing right outside the door the whole time, and if he starts getting more upset you’re out, understand?” Stan said seriously, his hand frozen on the doorknob.

Richie nodded curtly, his eyes trained on the door. Stan twisted the knob and pushed the door open, walking ahead of Richie to warn Eddie. Richie stayed back in the hall, not wanting to overwhelm Eddie before he was ready. When Stan came back a moment later saying his time started now, Richie had to stop himself from sprinting into the room.

Eddie was sat in Stan’s window seat, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and draped over his thighs, his head not moving from where it was turned to watch the window. Richie stood a few feet away, not sure on how comfortable he was with having Richie close to him.

“Not once, in the entire time I’ve known you, have you ever not had something to say, Trashmouth. Might be time to retire.” Eddie said suddenly, turning to face Richie.

The curly haired boy almost wished he hadn’t, the sight of pink, bloodshot eyes and flushed cheeks making him feel sick again. He’d done that. Richie had hurt his best friend. He deserved this pain. _You deserve a lot worse than this. Pathetic._

“Eds, I came to talk to you about last night.” Richie said, not thinking it the time for some stupid joke that he couldn’t even come up with at the moment. Eddie’s eyebrows raised in surprise.

“Come back with a new name for me, Tozier? Bet I’ve heard it before.” Eddie said bitterly, looking out at the trees behind Stan’s house again.

Richie’s jaw locked as his eyes burned with tears. He blinked them back quickly, refusing to act like the victim in this.

“I came to apologise. I didn’t mean what I said, I was just frustrated. But I don’t blame you at all, I take full responsibility for what happened and I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you and it was one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done.” Richie said earnestly, his strong tone contrasting to his shaking hands and rapidly drying mouth.

Eddie looked at him again, this time spinning his whole body to face Richie.

“What did I do, Rich? What did I do wrong?” Eddie asked, his voice quiet and tight like he was trying not to let it shake.

“Nothing, Eds, you didn’t do anything wrong. It was all me, I went off on you for no reason. You’re not at—“

“Obviously I did or you wouldn’t be here apologising, now tell me what I did to piss you off, Richie!” Eddie suddenly snapped, his change in volume making Richie flinch and take an instinctive step back.

“I didn’t want you thinking that I couldn’t take care of myself. So when you started doing everything for me, I felt like some sort of risk. I know a lot of the group thinks I’m a fucking time bomb but I couldn’t have you thinking that too.” Richie whispered, his body shrinking in on itself a little to make himself seem like less of a threat.

Eddie noticed then. He took in Richie’s lack of eye contact, how he was quiet and small looking, how far back he’d moved from where he was before. Then Eddie saw his arms and his defensive demeanour broke, taking long strides to his friend so he could look at them himself. Richie didn’t even move when Eddie grabbed his left wrist. He pulled up the edge of the bandages and paled at the shallow gashes standing out starkly against Richie’s skin.

“Is this because of me?” Eddie asked, setting the bandage down gently.

“No, of course not, Eds. I freaked out and blah blah blah, this. But it’s okay, it’s alright. You forgiving me is more important.”

Eddie snapped his head up to date at Richie in the eyes.

“Me letting go of a petty argument is more important to you than me putting you in danger because I left you alone? You care about me that much?”

“Of course, Eds. You’re my best friend, I’d die before I put something before you.”

Eddie sniffled, rushing forward to wrap his arms around Richie’s middle. Richie grabbed him just as fiercely, burying his face in Eddie’s watermelon scented hair. He felt Eddie’s tears soaking through his shirt and sighed, his chest tightening a little. He hummed an old Elvis song while they stood there, his long fingers stroking through Eddie’s hair.

“I really am sorry, Eddie. I’d never purposely hurt you. And I won’t. Ever again.” Richie promised, heart swelling at the feeling of warm arms tightening around his waist.

“Yeah, yeah, Trashmouth, all’s forgiven.” Eddie chuckled.

“I’m serious, Eddie.” Eddie sighed.

“I know, Chee. So am I. Given, what you said was entirely fucked up and I’m still upset you said it but I know you didn’t mean it. I need you to know that I don’t think you’re some sort of time bomb. I think you’re a person that’s hurting a little right now and just needs a little support, that’s all. I never intended to smother you, though. I’ll dial it back a bit. But I’ll be damned if I leave you alone again. This should’ve never happened, Rich. I know you’re sorry, but so am I.” Eddie said, his finger making small figure eight’s on the small of Richie’s back.

“We’ll get through this, Eds.” Richie said simply, setting his cheek on Eddie’s head.

Eddie smiled.

“Of course we will, Chee. We always do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen listen listen i know the ending sounds a little rushed and easy 
> 
> and that’s bc it is 
> 
> but i’ve been too depressed to do more than spellcheck things recently so we’re gonna deal and then a little later i’ll throw in more drama. deal?


	5. let it stay this way, can’t let this moment end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> late as always, vv sorry as always 
> 
> also it's kinda short, i do apologise for that as well 
> 
> chapter title: never enough- loren allred
> 
> this is the best song ever and you you can fight me if you disagree

“I’m not saying they’re dating, _Michael_ , I’m just saying that there’s no way they aren’t fucking.”

“ ** _Language_**.” Stan warned, glancing up from his book to look pointedly at Richie and then at a group of kids not even twenty feet away from them.

“Stan, I’ve seen you call a four year old a cunt because he threw his toy at your face in Walmart.” Richie countered, hiding behind Ben’s thighs that he had been resting his head on when Stan tried to kick him.

“That wasn’t a child that was hell spawn and I will not allow justification for his behaviour in this group.” Stan reasoned, leaning back against the swinging bench to bury his nose back in his book.

“Rich, what makes you sure they’re even involved? You have a gaydar you never mentioned before?” Mike mused, getting a groan from the rest of the Losers at Richie’s respurred excitement in the topic.

“Mike, I’ve seen every Buzzfeed Unsolved they’ve ever made. Ryan and Shane are as much fuck buddies as Bill and Stan are.”

“ _Hey_!”

“Entirely uncalled for, Richard, not to mention untrue.”

“Guys, I’m just stating facts. Besides, if it wasn’t true you wouldn’t have gotten so defensive.” Richie pointed out, crawling over to lay on Bill’s stomach when he saw how harshly he was blushing. Bill grumbled about being a human mattress but welcomed Richie’s constantly too warm body on top of his.

“But, seriously, have you seen the way Shane tries to make Ryan laugh when things get serious? Or how Shane’s bullying is never really serious, it’s just flirty? Classic friends with benefits behaviour.” he continued, picking at the grass next to his hip, running it between his fingers.

“Like you and Eddie?” Beverly asked from Ben’s side, narrowly avoiding Eddie lunging at her from next to Stan, the pair rolling in the grass as Eddie tried to cover her mouth with his hands, Beverly laughing too hysterically to do anything.

Richie had missed this. Missed just being outside with people he loved, laying in the park while they just talked about nothing for hours. He was more than grateful for the distraction from the changes happening in the Denbrough household. Bill’s parents had a court meeting to discuss the legal matters of adopting Richie later that week, then a meeting with the principal to discuss possibly moving Richie back into his old classes at the end of the month, and, finally, a trip with Richie to the doctor’s and psychiatrist’s offices for a follow up on his medications and therapy sessions the next day.

Everything was moving a little fast for him, if he were entirely honest. He hadn’t been with the Denbrough’s two months and they were already doing everything they could to make him a part of the family as fast as possible. But he was also thankful they’d let him have his space during his settling in. He’d fully expected to be watched 24/7, never let out of the sight of Sharon and Zack Denbrough, because of his hospitalisation. But they seemed to even push Richie to be on his own, always suggesting that he hang out with his friends or go to the store to get a few groceries, anything to just be independent.

And that was where Richie’s mind started to twist things. He absolutely despised being alone and awake. He hated not having someone there in case his mind dove too far, something he could know was some sort of protection against his emotions when he couldn’t do it himself. Maggie and Wentworth had always left him alone when they weren’t drunk or high off their asses, screaming through the house about how much of a—

“Rich? Anyone home?” Eddie asked, knocking on Richie’s forehead with a closed fist, breaking him from his thoughts.

“Son of a– _yes_ , Eds, I’m here. And _**ow!**_ ” Richie said indignantly, scowling at the younger.

“Are you okay? You zoned out for like five minutes.” Ben asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, just got distracted by a woman over there. She was so hot I thought she was Eddie’s mom.” Richie joked, getting swatted at by Eddie’s small hands.

Richie feigned hurt, moving to try and get his hands in the smaller boy’s hair to mess it up. They began rolling in the grass around their friends and the bench as they both tried to get the other to give up.

“Will you two quit dry humping each other before we get kicked out like last time?” Beverly asked, trying to sound like she wasn’t placing bets with Mike on the winner of the soft core wrestling match happening at her feet.

“We aren’t dry humping, _mother_. I’m simply politely trying to kick Eddie’s ass.”

“Ki-kick it or m-ma-marry it? You’re holding onto him pretty t-tight there, Richie.” Bill threw in, smiling at them smugly from next to Stan on the bench while Stan did his best to hide his smirk.

Richie looked down and felt soft fabric run across his cheek, seeing Eddie’s feet a lot closer than normal meaning he was about waist level on the boy. Richie looked back up but stopped short when he saw Eddie already looking at him. Eddie blushed harshly and looked away, wriggling around to get out of Richie’s grip and crawl over to sit near Mike.

“Look what you did, Bill, drove my husband away.”

“I’m sure if he married you he’d already been thinking about it.”

“Stanley I swear on my _life_ —“

“Guys, can we not act like children? Aren’t we graduating in like six months?” Beverly asked, wrapping strands of Ben’s hair around her fingers as she spoke.

The Losers all looked around at each other, realisation hitting that they were seniors, they were almost adults. Richie found that familiar weight settling in his chest, cold and heavy when he tried to breathe. He looked around to make sure his friends were occupied when he stood up, mumbling something about a bathroom break and then sped walked to the nearest bathroom he could find in the park.

When he made it and made sure he was alone, he stood in front of the mirror, taking deep breaths and splashing water on his face to calm down.

They were _seniors_. They were going to have lives of their own soon. Lives where they slowly stopped talking to each other, always too busy to call or visit, possibly even moving out of town. Richie wanted to throw up at the idea of his friends forgetting him, recalling every birthday, school play, and teacher conference that his parents never attended. He didn’t notice the door open, nor did he hear Eddie talking to him until the boy grabbed his face and forced him to make eye contact.

“-okay? Rich? Do I need to get the others?” Eddie asked frantically, his eyebrows tilted up in worry.

Richie stared down at him for a moment, taking in Eddie’s face. The dark freckles across his nose and cheekbones, the light ones over the rest of his face, how one corner of his mouth always tilted up, ready to snap on any one about any thing, how his hair that used to be combed down perfectly every morning now waved down across his forehead and ears, longer than before. Richie really looked at his best friend for the first time in months and he hated the feeling of his stomach knotting at the thought.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m…I’m okay, Eds.” Richie said slowly, his head pounding with an oncoming headache from how harshly his emotions were swirling around in his head.

“Are you sure? We can just go back to Ben’s if you’re not feeling okay.” Eddie offered.

He still hadn’t taken his hands off Richie’s face and Richie’s stomach knotted tighter.

“Of course, just got a little hot out there after I thought I saw your mom, _god_ she can pull off a sundress. Actually, it would probably be me pulling it off but, y’know.” Richie joked, hoping to the gods that Eddie didn’t hear how flat he sounded.

“Rich that’s gross, oh my god.” Eddie said finally, letting go of his friend’s face in mock disgust.

“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.” Richie said, winking. Eddie rolled his eyes.

“Did you just say I can’t call you gross until I sleep with my own mother?”

Richie opened his mouth to answer but closed it a second later, not even attempting to come up with a comeback.

“We should probably get back soon, the others’ll think we’re doing R rated shit in here if we stay much longer.” Richie said instead, drying his still wet hands off on his shirt.

“Me? Doing R rated shit with my straight best friend? I’d love to hear _that_ TED Talk.” Eddie laughed, leading the way out of the bathroom.

Eddie missed the flash of guilt across Richie’s face.

Richie missed the look of worry in Eddie’s eyes.

They both missed the suspicious looks the group gave them when they went back to their spot in the grass.

But what Richie and Eddie truly missed was the warmth on their skin when they touched, a strange feeling settling in its place when they broke apart.

 

Wonder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm going to t r u l y try and update more frequently, i just have a lot going on atm so it's stressful to even a t t e m p t to write
> 
> love you guys :::-)
> 
> (lISTEN,,,,,, i know every fuckin person who writes about modern day losers club has them loving buzzfeed unsolved but 1. i wanted to add it bc this is my story and 2. you literally cannot hate shane and ryan if you t r i e d so i h a d to add it)


End file.
